he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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