whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
