The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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