So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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