my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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