Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
