End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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