There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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