just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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