I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
