Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
