Got a toothbrush?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
