Got a toothbrush?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
