the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You're like the curious george of whores
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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