This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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