So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She has the best kind of daddy issues
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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