Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you would pick up someone in the library
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
