It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
