I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
