she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
