is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
