I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
