I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
