before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
