i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i now understand why vodka
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
