There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
