True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
