I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize