If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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