All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
