I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Tornado booty call.. dedication
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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