Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
