K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Randomize
