Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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