you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
