a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
