CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
