What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
