My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
