amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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