yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she smelled like a LAN party
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
