Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize