listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
