i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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