I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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