i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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