if you like me you must not know who I am
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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