Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
