he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
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