Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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