I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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