How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
