We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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