my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He? As in you personified your dick?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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