5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
