Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
