I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
