he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
