Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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