I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
