my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
