Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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