I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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