using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
