his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
only if we run a train.
done.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
