Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
