Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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