yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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