Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
