garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
