you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Blood and glitter go together right?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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