Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
