You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
