I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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