I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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