I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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