I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
