you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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