well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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