I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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