your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
