i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
