Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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