Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
