Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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