there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
