Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
