So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
