There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I currently don't understand fingers.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
