I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
