If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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