Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
