Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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